Chapters of a Broken Memory
by Fliggy
Summary: A series of one-shots about characters dealing with the aftermath of their decisions, at different points in the story. Will mostly deal with Levi x Petra but I may branch out. I'll do specific requests if you have them, just PM me or ask in a review.
1. Don't You Dare

When he heard the roar, bestial and raw, echoing through the woods, he felt his blood run cold. "Eren." he muttered. "Something's gone wrong." Twisting, he shot through the trees in the direction of the sound, hands reaching instinctively for blades, his mind turning. _Erwin wanted me to refuel._

Eren wouldn't have transformed unless there was a serious threat. Was there another shifter? Levi's vision began to narrow, and he accelerated faster and faster. _I need to get there in time._

* * *

Gunter appeared first, suspended in the air. Blood was trickling up the back of his leg, onto the wire he dangled from. It didn't make sense. A part of Levi wanted to laugh, because it looked like a prank. How did Gunter get there? Who could have done that to him?

He saw Eld next. A wry smile on the man's face, as he stared up, glassy-eyed, into the sky. As if something in the clouds amused him. His blond hair was speckled with flakes of dust. Levi couldn't bring himself to look below the torso.

When he saw Olou, the vise around his heart began to take hold. Olou had landed in the grass, and then slid another twenty feet or so. A long red smear against the dirt, leading up to his twisted body. Levi felt the pressure building up in his toes, in his gut, threatening to spill out his mouth.

 _Petra._ Where was she? He scanned the trees, desperate, unwilling. A flash of auburn caught his eye.

She lay against the tree trunk as if resting. Her legs were bent at an impossible angle. 

* * *

He landed next to her, and let out a small gasp when he realized she was still breathing. "Petra," he said. Her head was tilted up at the sky, but her eyes were closed. He reached out to her. "Petra, can you hear me?"

She blinked—her eyes looked past him, listless. "Levi, is that you?"

"Yes."

"Levi…"

He felt something rising in his chest, but held it back as best he could. "I tried to make it in time," he said.

"She has Eren," Petra said, her eyes still unfocused. Her voice was calm. "The Female Titan. She regenerated so quickly. We didn't realize." She closed her eyes. "You need to get him back, Levi."

"I will," Levi said. "I'll get him back. I promise. You stay here, okay? Don't do anything stupid. The others will be here soon. Remember your training."

"Levi, please. My father. Tell him I died peacefully."

"No." Levi reached down, cupping her cheek, wiping away a line of blood that was making its way down her face. "You can tell him yourself. We still need you. Don't you dare."

His hand had found hers, and was pressing, gently, as if he could will energy back into her. He saw her chest rise, and fall. Her breath came out shaky.

"Levi," she said, in a faint whisper. "I'm afraid."

Levi blinked. There was a tear trickling down his chin. "Petra." Memories flashed as he looked at her face. He gritted his teeth. "I don't know. If there are more missions for us, in the next life." He rested his forehead against hers. "You wait. You hear me? You find Gunter, and Eld, and Olou. You wait for me there. I'll find you." Her breathing was so faint now.

"You get them, and you find a home there, okay?" Levi said. "Somewhere warm, with a fire. Somewhere safe. Make sure you clean it… it better be spotless when I get there. You hear me? That's an order. They'll need someone to keep them in line, until I get there, so you be hard on them."

Her breathing slowed. He felt the slightest press of her hand in his—she was reaching for him. He entwined his fingers through hers, and choked back the weight in his throat. "No matter where you go," he told her. "There's nothing that could keep me from you."

She managed one last shaky breath, and then he heard her last exhale, like a soft breeze against his cheek. Her hand went limp.

After a moment, he leaned back. Her eyes were still closed. She looked calm.

"Damn you," he whispered. He got to his feet, wiping his face with the back of his hand.

 _Eren._

The footprints were giant, leading off into the dark shade of the trees.

A small spark ran across his heel, up his calf and the length of his spine, down his arms, into his heart. He felt a boundless energy. _Female Titan,_ he thought, his gas canisters spitting, his hooks burying into the wood. _I'm coming for you._


	2. Petra, Penmanship, Paperwork

"Uh. Petra." Levi's head was sticking out from the doorway of his office. He had an expression of distaste, like he'd smelled something bitter, or noticed a piece of lint on his jacket. Nervously, Petra wondered if she'd done something wrong.

"Yes, Captain?"

"Could you… um…" Levi paused. "Could you grab Gunter or Eld for me? I need their help with—I need someone to look over… something… in my office…"

"I think Gunter and Eld might both be out for the day, sir. They're helping Hange with her new experiments, if I'm not mistaken." Petra smiled apologetically.

"Tch." His head disappeared back into his office. Petra hesitated, unsure if he wanted her to leave or stay. She heard Levi muttering to himself, then what sounded like the fluttering of papers, and finally some mild cursing.

"I think Olou is around somewhere," she offered towards the doorway. After a second, Levi's head popped back into view.

"No, that's fine. Can you, um… just step in for a second. Need your help. Shouldn't take long."

Petra stepped in, curious. She'd been in Levi's office a few times before, but always for the weekly cleaning operations that the captain insisted on. Then, seeing his desk, she immediately grasped the issue at hand.

"Paperwork?"

"Yeah." Levi scratched behind one ear. He looked as uncomfortable as she'd ever seen him. "New policy or something. Military wants it if we're bringing titans inside the walls for experiments. Erwin just dumped everything on me, and it needs to get done by tonight."

Petra stared at the stack of papers on the desk. Any taller, it'd tower above both the captain and herself. A few additional sheets were scattered facedown around the room, breaking the spell of what would otherwise be a pristine, well-kept office.

She took a deep breath. "Okay, well, let's get started. Why don't you take half the stack, and I take the other half?"

His frown had gotten bigger. "Okay."

* * *

Petra had always been a good student, and in school she'd excelled at literature and penmanship. Of course, after joining the Survey Corps, she'd abandoned scholarly pursuits. Still, even after many years, it came back to her naturally.

So, she wasn't surprised to find that she could work quickly through her half of the papers—reading, scribbling, organizing. She was more curious about Levi, who seemed to be working at an awfully slow pace. He'd often stop and mutter silent curses to himself, staring blankly at the paper in hand. By the time she was finishing up, he'd only gotten through about a small amount of his own stack.

"Okay, so I went through these ones, and they just need you to sign." Petra said. "The, this one, here, is a mission report, so you'll have to write a bit, and this one is… a survey? It wants your input on certain military decisions, sir."

"Eh." That frown had returned to his face. "How about you fill out those ones for me, and I'll just sign at the bottom. It'll go quicker."

"The survey's actually supposed to be confidential, sir."

"Ah, shit. Well, I trust you on this. Just fill it out anyway." He looked away before she could respond, rubbing the back of his neck. Petra sat for a few moments, watching him. The way he looked at the paper in his hand… the pen that lay idly at the edge of his desk…

"Sir, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you… sir, please don't be offended, but… can you read?"

Levi's face darkened. "Of course I can read," he muttered.

They both sat in silence for a while.

"I just have a problem with some of the bigger words. It takes me longer." Levi said.

Petra didn't say anything.

"I didn't really have a, uh… traditional education," he continued.

She nodded, but still didn't respond.

Levi turned to her with a look of exasperation. "Okay, so you figured me out. I'm not very good at this crap. Now, would you mind helping me finish these papers?"

"Captain Levi, it's very important that you know how to read and write."

"Uh, why?"

Petra cleared her throat. "Because, Captain, the written language is how we communicate. It's how we send messages and talk to one another over long distances, through letters. It's how we sign contracts. And, it's how we record our history. Everything we know about the world was written down somewhere. Our civilization was built on it. Didn't you ever hear that the pen is mightier than the sword?"

Levi crossed his arms. "That's stupid. I'm guessing whoever said that never met a Titan."

"Okay, yeah, fair. But still, if this paperwork's going to continue, you should learn how to do it quicker on your own. Otherwise, you'll have to call me in here every time to help you."

To her surprise, instead of kicking her out or swearing at her, Levi just sighed. "Alright, then," he said. "Do your worst."

* * *

"Like this one. What the hell does that mean?"

"Well, did you try sounding it out?"

Levi squinted at the document in front of him. "Yeah. _Rendezvous. Rennn. Dessss, Voooz_." Petra watched his lips carefully, as he struggled to pronounce the syllables.

"Okay, so that's actually a weird one." Petra leaned forward, tucking a stray lock behind her ear. It's an exception. It's pronounced _raahn-day-voo_."

Levi made a choking noise. "What? Really? Why?"

"Hm… I don't really know, actually. It's just something you learn."

"Okay, what about this one, here? Colonel?"

"Oh, yeah. Another weird exception, sorry. That's pronounced _kernel_."

Levi threw his hands up in disgust. "Why are there so many goddamn exceptions in this language? Who invented this?"

"There are lots of theories, captain, but they're pretty sure the language comes from before we were trapped inside the walls."

"Tch. That's too bad. They've all been eaten by Titans, then. I was hoping I could get some answers out of them." He shook his head and muttered. "Goddamn pigeon scratchings." The way he said it, Petra couldn't help but giggle.

Levi slowly scanned the last paper. After reaching the end, he glanced up at her. She nodded, and he took the pen and signed in long, looping letters. "The one thing I'm good at," he said. "Signing my name. Well, it looks like we're finished. And a lot quicker than I thought, too." He spoke in that usual monotone, but, for a second, he sounded almost disappointed.

"Next time Erwin dumps a stack on your desk, you know who to call for."

"I guess I do."

For a moment, their eyes met. The silence drew on for just a bit too long. Levi cleared his throat and looked down, and Petra sprung up from the chair. "Have a good night, Captain Levi!"

"Night, Petra. Oh, and uh…" he paused, that look of discomfort back on his face again. "Never mind, actually."

"What? Please, I'm curious now."

He shifted in his seat and Petra had to struggle to keep a neutral expression. Finally, he said, "Thanks." He was almost, _almost_ , not frowning. "For the help."

"Any time, captain. I'm glad I could be of assistance."


	3. Man Behind the Mask

The corridor to Erwin's office seemed darker today, and each footstep felt heavy, as if there was lead in his shoes. Levi wished he could be anywhere but here.

He knocked on the thick wooden door, twice, firmly. After a moment, he heard Erwin's voice.

"Levi?"

"Yes."

"Enter."

The commander was seated at his desk. Usually tidy, now it was covered in documents, letters, and scribblings. Erwin looked up at him as he walked in. There were dark rings around the commander's eyes.

Levi took a seat, glancing at him. "You look tired. Did you get any rest?"

"Did you?"

Levi hadn't slept a wink. How could he? He'd always been an insomniac, and Petra hadn't improved the situation. In the recent months, before the expedition, he'd become used to being jolted awake without warning. She'd often kicked while dreaming, and worse, she'd had surprisingly loud snores. Last night, he'd lay in bed for hours, painfully aware of her absence. How would he ever sleep again, without her to keep him awake?

"Of course," he lied. "I slept like a baby."

"That's good to hear," Erwin said, shuffling some papers. "I stayed up late to look for clues… hints… searching for the enemy." He cleared his throat, then said, in a voice that sounded almost glum, "I found nothing of substance."

"I'm sure that, as our commander, you'll find the answer you're looking for." Levi hadn't meant to sound so biting.

Erwin said nothing, but his eyebrows bunched up a little, and he hesitated, slightly, before looking at Levi. "We suffered heavy losses in equipment and manpower. We will… need to recruit and train. We lost effective soldiers."

 _Effective soldiers._ "We held on to the brat. All other losses are expendable." The words felt like acid on his tongue, but Levi spoke them anyway.

Erwin's expression remained blank.

It was game they played, the two of them, a perverse ritual they engaged in after each expedition. The casual debriefing, the callous and inhuman discussion of the friends they had lost. As if their compatriots were nothing more than tools for the greater good.

It was a costume Levi wore. They all had them. Hange, with her titan obsession. Mike, with his bizarre mannerisms. Perhaps even Erwin, with his utter sociopathy. They tried on the personalities like masks, and when they fit… when wearing them could let you forget the feeling of _seeing the smashed pulp of her body against the tree…_ then you never took them off.

They had played this game so many times, sometimes Levi forgot they were just pretending.

"Yes." Erwin said, finally. "However, this failure has cost us significant political capital. We may lose Eren to the MP's. If we cannot identify the enemies within our walls soon, he may be in grave danger."

 _And with him, humanity._ That was what was important. Despite the utter failure of the mission, they had gained valuable information on the enemy. Her abilities, and her objective. _And next time… I won't let her get away so easily._

"Levi." Erwin interrupted his thoughts. The commander was looking at him, his expression still unreadable.

"I would understand if you had some doubts regarding my leadership," the commander said. He hesitated, but when Levi said nothing, continued, "My decision to confront the enemy was a tactical error. Though I knew we would face unforeseen abilities, I underestimated the challenge they would pose."

 _What is this, an apology?_

"It was a failure of imagination," Erwin said. "It will not happen again."

 _Do you think an apology can bring them back?_

Levi sneered. "Really, Erwin? Don't tell me you're getting soft."

"Wasn't it you who told me to never regret my decisions?" Levi said. "We didn't know the enemy. Now we do. There's nothing more to discuss." He stood up, a scowl across his face. "Discover the identity of the Female Titan. Tell me when you reach a conclusion. I'll do the rest."

It was usually Erwin who was the natural at this. Levi preferred it when he could only see cruelty, like the hints of a smile playing about the commander's lips as they discussed the losses a future expedition would face. Better for Erwin to be a soulless machine, singular of purpose, tasked with saving humanity. It meant that all of them served some higher cause. It meant that all the deaths Levi had seen were meaningful, and not simply the misshapen results of one human and his fallible plans.

He did not ever want to see the man behind Erwin's mask. _I've had enough games for today._ He knocked the chair aside as he left.


	4. The Fallen Soldier

The ground shook. A scout sprinted towards a group of abandoned houses, her feet spitting up loose dirt. She glanced backwards—behind her, a giant titan was closing in. Blood was splattered across its face and it had a sick, gummy smile. Scattered in the grass and bushes were swords and disembodied limbs. Her entire group had been wiped out.

She turned, her heart pounding. Her 3DMG gear was smashed, her blades discarded. The shadow of the titan's hand swooped over her, and she felt cold terror.

In front of her, the door to a house lay open. Maybe there would be somewhere to hide. She dove for the entrance—for a second, she thought she would make it—but then she felt the titan's enormous fingers wrap around her. She screamed.

* * *

Black smoke split the skyline, far in the distance. Petra turned to watch the flare as it fell below distant treetops. "Olou, look," she said. Their horses galloped along the grass. "Another black flare from the left flank."

"Maybe it's an Abnormal," Olou said. "They might send us to deal with it, you know. That'll be exciting."

"Yeah." Petra gripped the reins. "Exciting."

Olou winked. "Don't worry, Petra. If anything happens, I'll protect you."

"Ew. Creep."

"When are you going to stop denying your attraction for me?"

Petra sighed. "Okay, two things. First, I've seen titans prettier than you. Second, you couldn't protect a bowl of milk from a kitten."

Olou spluttered, but Petra suddenly cut him off as she noticed something on the horizon. "Hey, there's a rider coming!"

In the distance, a man on a horse, riding furiously. As the figure drew closer, Petra saw that the man's hair was matted with blood.

Then, she watched in horror as the man collapsed off the horse, tumbling into the grass. There was an audible thud as he landed. Olou snickered, and Petra shot him a look. "Shut up, idiot. He looks hurt." She twisted the reins in her hand, and her horse neighed loudly. "Come on," she muttered, digging in her spurs. She set off towards where the man had fallen. "Shoot off a black flare," she called out behind her.

The man was still breathing when she got to him. In one swift motion, she lifted a leg up and over the side of her horse, pulling it to a stop as she dismounted. She slid down and knelt beside him, grabbing his wrist to feel for a pulse. He muttered something she couldn't make out. She lowered her face to his, tilting an ear. "What was that?"

His voice was soft, barely a whisper. "Titans from the south. They ambushed us… in the old village." He coughed for air. "There was… a big one."

Hoofbeats, as Olou pulled up next to her. "Petra?" he asked.

She looked up. "Olou, ride for the center. Tell the commander we need reinforcements on the south side. And a cart, for this soldier."

"A cart? Can't we take him on a horse?"

"He's wounded. I don't think he'll make it on a horse. You go. I'll try to save him." She was already reaching for the medicine satchel.

"Petra." Olou said. "You should go. I'll stay here. The titans might be headed in this direction."

"I appreciate the concern. But, I'm more skilled at first-aid than you. This man has several deep lacerations on his body. He must have collided with something, a roof, maybe." Petra hesitated. "Or teeth." She started to rummage around for the tourniquet. She needed to stop the bleeding.

After a few moments, Olou still hadn't moved. "Petra…"

She felt a sudden fury. "Olou, if you don't go now, I'll be dealing with two wounded soldiers, not one. After I hamstring you."

"By the walls Petra, I'm just trying to – "

She reached for her blades.

"Okay, okay! I'm going!" he yanked the reins, and his horse wheeled around. "But if you see Titans coming, promise me you'll run. Don't throw your life away!"

He rode off. As his figure receded in the distance, Petra tended to the fallen man. The soldier's breathing was ragged, and slow. Every so often, he'd start coughing, and she'd have to lift his head to make sure he didn't choke on his own blood. Beginning with the legs, she wrapped bandages around the worst of the cuts. She noticed the man's eyes going listless. "Talk to me." Petra said. "If you can. Don't pass out."

"My team…" he said. "We were new. It was our first…" his voice seemed to dry up. Petra reached for her flask of water. "Your first expedition," she said. The soldier nodded. He let out a sudden gasp. "It hurts," he said, in a voice that made Petra wince.

"It's okay," she said. "I just wrapped the last of the bandages, so you won't lose any more blood. You'll make it through this. What's your name?"

The man said something in the barest of whispers.

"What was that?" She lowered her ear to his face again.

"The ground…" he said. "…is shaking."

Petra leapt upright, her hands reaching for swords, instinctively. She spun, searching the horizon. _There_. Three titans were approaching. They stumbled across the earth like oversized children, their arms swinging madly. _They're coming this way._

She dropped back down to a crouch. "Can you move?" she asked. "Do you think you could… oh." The man had passed out. She thought for a second. She couldn't move him without tearing back open his wounds, and he was too big, anyway. Maybe if she used both horses? No, they'd be too slow. Could she hide him somewhere? _Not enough time_.

The titans were closing in. The first two were moving quickly—the third was idling behind. It was larger, a 15-metre class, at least.

She looked at her surroundings. A grassy field, with no raised structures. Not even a tree. She lay a hand on her horse's flank. "Run, now," she said softly.

 _I'm sorry, Olou._ The titan's footsteps were like cannon fire, and the earth bounced beneath her feet. She took a deep breath and readied her blades.

* * *

When Captain Levi arrived, a group of soldiers in tow, the titans' bodies were already beginning to disintegrate. Petra knelt in the grass—she was tending to the wounded man.

"Soldier!" one of his men cried out. Petra looked up. A small line of blood was making its way down her forehead.

"Where's the cart?" Petra said. "He's wounded. We need to move him. Now!"

"Soldier, show a little respect!" A horseman responded. "This is Captain Levi, your superior officer." Levi cut him off with a wave. _Alright, enough of that._

He recognized the look in Petra's eyes. Her mind was still in battle.

He dismounted, then walked towards her. She was gripping tightly to one of her swords. The other lay in the grass, shattered at the hilt. Her hands were trembling. "Sir, I apologize," she said. "I didn't mean any disrespect. I'm worried that this soldier needs immediate help."

"The cart's on its way," Levi said. He looked down at the man, who was unconscious on the ground. "These bandages are wrapped cleanly. I'm impressed."

"Thank you, sir."

"I'll leave a few men with you. I'm needed at the center front. Wait for the signal—we'll be turning around soon." Levi took a moment to survey the smoldering corpses of the titans. One of them looked to have been around 17 metres tall. Levi could see a blade still protruding from its neck. "So, you decided to take on three titans by yourself, hm?"

"Yes, captain. I didn't think I could move the wounded soldier without killing him."

Levi turned back to his horse. Not many soldiers would have stayed and fought, nor defended a wounded comrade to their last breath. "Stupid decision, if you ask me," he said. _She'd made a good addition to the squad._ He put a foot in the stirrup.

"Captain Levi?"

"Hm?" he mounted, then turned to her.

She was staring at him, her hand still gripping that blade. "You're a lot shorter than I thought you would be."

He looked back at her impassively. "Petra Ral, is that right?"

"Yes, sir."

"Top of your class."

"Yes, sir, that's correct."

Levi yanked the reins with one hand. "I'll be in touch."


	5. Dreams

A cold wind wrapped around her as she took a step onto the battlements. "I knew I'd find you here," she said. The night sky was full of stars.

"Hey." His legs were dangling out over the side, one knee propped up. He kind of looked like a hawk, or maybe an owl, surveying the dark fields below them. He wasn't wearing his cloak, only a shirt and pants. "You're not cold?" she asked, plopping down on a small wedge next to him.

Levi gave her a glance. After a moment, his gaze softened. "Yeah, maybe. A little."

"Here." She spread out her cloak, and motioned. He didn't move at first, but she prodded him, and finally he slid next to her, and she wrapped the cloak around both their shoulders and pulled him in tight.

"If anyone sees…"

"Stop grumbling," she said. "Everyone's sleeping. It's the middle of the night, Levi. Why are you even up?"

He didn't respond, but instead just pulled the cloak in a little closer. "You know, you've become very disrespectful lately," he said. "I miss the days when you were terrified of me."

She knows she shouldn't pry, but she can't help it. Softly… "were you seeing their faces, again?" His expression doesn't change, but she knows.

The first night they'd slept together, she'd woken up to him muttering in his sleep, hands clenching and unclenching invisible blades, legs twitching for the feel of wires. He rarely seemed to get a good night's rest. Sometimes, he whispered the names of people she didn't recognize. He never talked about it, but she'd pressed Hanji for some of the details. About how Levi had shown up at the Survey Corp training, unapologetically hostile, a street rat dragged up from the underground. With two friends in tow, a tall, handsome man named Farlan and a short-haired, impish girl named Isabel.

It wasn't too hard to guess the story.

 _You can't be fixed,_ she thought, as she watched him stare out at the dark horizon, his eyes searching for something. _But that's okay._

Their first time, as she was reaching to undo the buttons on her shirt, he'd stopped her, suddenly. He'd looked as if he was trying to say something, but his lips didn't move. She'd managed to figure it out anyway. She knew him well enough by then to fill in the blanks.

 _I can't give you what you want. I will always be Commander Levi, and you'll always be Petra Ral, and we'll always be soldiers fighting a war for humanity. We'll never get married, have kids, or build a life together. Instead we'll live this limbo, until one or both of us die._

"I know," she'd said. "I don't care." Then she'd pulled him to her.

They would never have a normal life, but truthfully, it was not something she wanted, or even imagined. The two of them were bound by the iron blades she held in her hands every day, their vows sanctified by the blood they spilled, whirling through the air, red-stained wires wrapped around each other's hearts.

* * *

"Levi," she said, nudging him with her shoulder. "Come on. Let's go back to bed."


	6. Together

**(Author's Note): This one was pretty difficult to write, largely because there's not much material on Olou (Olou? Orou? Aururo?). Really wanted to write this, though, I think it's one of the more overlooked parts of the story. Also, I'm still working on the request someone did for Eren's decision to trust Levi's squad - I'm waiting on a few things to be confirmed by the manga before I finish that one up. But I will get to it! If anyone else has any requests, feel free to drop me a PM or mention it in a review.**

* * *

"Cadet, what is your name?" the drill sergeant screamed, spit flying from his mouth. Olou wiped his face with the back of his hand. "Olou Bazado, sir!"

"Why have you joined the military, cadet Elmo Whatever-o?" the drill instructor roared.

"To avenge my father's death, sir! I'm going to train hard and join the Survey Corp, like him! Then, I'm going to rack up lots of kills. I'll be great hero, and lots of girls will admire me – "

"Cadet Dumbo, you're going to be a piece of dead meat, just like your father!" The instructor said. He moved down the line, to the tiny girl with reddish-blonde hair standing next to Olou. The instructor had to lean over almost double to meet her eye.

"And who, exactly, are you, cadet?" he screamed.

The girl didn't flinch at all. "Petra Ral, sir!"

"And why are you here, cadet, uh… Petra _Small_! The military is no place to look for a husband!"

The girl threw a hand across her heart. "Sir, with all due respect, I am not here to find a husband!" she shouted.

"Then, why are you here, cadet?"

She turned and pointed at Olou. "I'm going to kill lots of Titans, like what he said!" she shouted. Then, she added, "And, I'm going to shove a blade up the ass of anyone who gets in my way!"

"Wow." The instructor momentarily broke from his shouting, looking stunned. He glanced back and forth between the two of them. "I guess you two morons can die together, then." He shook his head, muttered something to himself, and moved on down the line.

After a few moments, once the instructor had started raging at someone else, Olou caught her eye. She smiled back at him, her hair blown slightly by the summer breeze. "Nice," he said. "I think you scared him."

She laughed, and Olou felt a strange giddiness. "You weren't so bad yourself," she said. "Friends?"

* * *

Petra ran a hand along the horse's side. "Aww, look, this guy has a thorn," she said. "Hold on, dear, this will only take a second." Delicately, she removed it. The horse didn't even seem to notice.

"That thing's been nearly trampled by Titans, I don't think it cares about a few thorns," Olou said, sweeping aside some bedding. "Can you actually help me, now, instead of just babying the horses? You're going to make them go soft."

Petra was rubbing a hand along the horse's flank, absentmindedly. "Hanji told me one of Levi's friends used to love the horses," she said. "Can you imagine Levi as a street rat? A criminal? I wonder what his life was like. I wish I could ask him."

"Levi, Levi, Levi," Olou said. "That's all you talk about, nowadays." He couldn't see the appeal. They'd only been in the Special Operations squad a week, and already they'd had to muck out the stables three times. The captain had some kind of psychotic fetish for cleaning.

"Olou. Petra." A voice behind them said. Olou stiffened, and he saw Petra nearly jump a foot in the air. "Captain Levi!" she squeaked.

The captain was standing behind them, looking extremely displeased. Dimly, Olou wondered how the man managed to move around so quietly. This was not the first time he'd snuck up on them. "You two are moving much too slowly. Gunter and Eld have almost cleaned the entire kitchen and dining hall in the time you've been working with the horses. Pick up the pace, or you're on double duty next week."

"Yes, Captain!" Petra said. Olou bowed his head in acknowledgement.

Levi turned to go. "Oh. And Petra," he said. "Your training this week has been really subpar. I've heard good things about you, but, to be honest, you're looking pretty ordinary." He paused. "I was hesitant about picking a woman for the squad. Don't make me regret that choice."

Olou glanced at Petra. He knew she hated, _hated,_ when people assumed that she was incompetent because she was a girl. Men always acted as if she was weak, hell, he himself had done it at first. She always put them in their place.

But to his surprise, Petra simply said, "Yes, sir. I'll focus hard on improving my performance." Olou felt a knot twist in his stomach. As the captain left, he watched her, watching him. They spent a few minutes mucking out the stables, until he couldn't take it anymore. "You know, you really are pathetic around him," he muttered, just loud enough for her to hear him.

Petra seemed stunned at first, then wheeled around, her hands balled up into fists. "What was that for?"

Olou shrugged. "Whenever you're around him, it's like you're a different person. You become so meek and… well… stupid. _Oh, can I get that for you Captain? Oh, I'm so sorry Captain, I forgot to clean under the basin lid, I'll go do that right now, your Highness._ It's hard to watch, really. Do you really think that's attractive to him?"

Petra gasped. The feeling of satisfaction he got watching her struggle for words was fleeting. The next second she was marching up to him with a murderous look. "And you think you're so much better? You know, you used to be a nice person, Olou. Then you met Levi and now you try to come off as some disinterested asshole prick? How's that for pathetic?" Olou took an involuntary step back as she grabbed him by the shirt. Maybe he'd gone too far. "And don't think we all haven't noticed you wearing a goddamn _cravat."_ Petra said.

"Hey," Eld said, poking his head around the corner. "Can you two relax? It's bad enough having to wash dishes, I'd rather not have to listen to screaming while I do it."

Petra let go of Olou's shirt. "Sorry, Eld," she said, in a flat tone.

Olou brushed himself off self-consciously. He hadn't been scared of her, he told himself. She was only 5'1, and he could definitely beat her in a fight. Well, probably.

"Why do you care, anyway, Olou?" Petra said.

Eld, still watching, chuckled. "Are you serious? It's so obvious."

"Shut up, Eld." Olou muttered.

Petra looked up at him, her brow suddenly furrowed, anger replaced with confusion. "What is he talking about?" They stared at one another wordlessly.

"Do you really not know?" Olou finally said. She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. He brushed past her, roughly.

They spent the rest of the day in silence.

* * *

"What're you writing?" he asked her. Petra looked up, noticed him, and grimaced. She swept a hand across the table, moving the parchment out of view. "Nothing."

"Oh, come on, you can tell me." He took a seat next to her. "I won't tell anyone if you're writing about the Captain. I'm sure many girls have similar fantasies."

Her face went bright red. "That's not what I'm writing about."

"Oh, really? So, they're fantasies about me, then?"

"No, I mean… it's a letter. To my father."

"Oh?" Now he was curious. "About what?"

"And how is this your concern, Olou?"

He lay an arm across the desk and leaned on it in a way he imagined looked very cool. "You're my partner on this team, and my dearest friend. How can I go on trusting you if you're keeping secrets from me?"

She looked away, an exasperated expression on her face. "You're just being nosy."

Olou shrugged. "Okay, maybe. I can't help it. I'm always so bored before missions."

She didn't say anything for a moment, instead, she simply drummed her fingers lightly on the desk. Then she turned back to him, and hesitantly, said, "…you remember when you said you would devote your life to following Captain Levi's orders?"

"Yes? Not how I phrased it, though." Olou said. "It was after he saved my life from that Titan." At first, he'd been envious of Captain Levi, but after that day, he'd promised to follow him anywhere.

"I was writing my father, to tell him that I'm going to do the same. Devote my life to the Captain."

"Ah." Olou said. He felt again that slight pressure in his throat, but did his best to dismiss it, wearily. _I thought I'd gotten over this._ He couldn't help but ask, though. "What do you mean when you say devote your life?"

She looked at him, really looked at him, and he saw her lip trembling. "I don't know."

Olou wanted to ask her a million different things, but managed to hold back.

"My father…" Petra said. "He was always my hero, growing up. Always kind, even when I was rude, or disobedient. When I wanted to be a soldier, everyone made fun of me, except for him. He supported me every inch of the way." She blinked, and Olou saw tears in the corner of her eyes. "He writes me, every week, telling me that no matter which path I choose, he'll always love me, always believe in me. But he wants me to come home, I know it. When I decided to join the Survey Corp, instead of the Military Police, he locked himself in his room for an entire week…"

She took a sudden breath, and then she was crying. "He'd never say it out loud, but I think he… blames himself. For encouraging me. He never thought I'd join the Survey Corp… if I get hurt…" Her voice was shaky, and she paused every so often to let out a quiet sob. "I must be the worst daughter… in the entire world. My choices… always hurt people. I hurt my father. I hurt… you. I'm selfish."

"Petra, you didn't hurt me." After a second of hesitation, he leans forward, hugging her, awkwardly. She feels her head on his chest as she cries, and for the first time he feels guilty. _I never realized…_

"I know the way you look at Levi, and I know it's not the way you look at me." Olou said. "But I don't care, because the way I see you is as a friend. My oldest, best friend." _I never meant to be so obvious. To make you feel as if you owed me something._

"So, don't even try feeling guilty about that, because the truth is, you've still got a lot to improve if you want to be my wife. And as for your father…" Olou leaned back, and looked her in the eye. "If he cares about you that deeply, then he'll be happy to know you're staying close to Captain Levi. The safest place in the Survey Corp, maybe the entire world, is right there, by his side."

He put a hand on her shoulder. Her crying had stopped, and he watched as she wiped the back of her hand across her runny nose.

"Make sure you tell him all that in your letter, and calm his worried heart. Also, tell him your good friend Olou is watching out for you too…" he cleared his throat, and in a stately voice, announced, "…the mighty Olou Bazado, who, legends say, has over thirty confirmed Titan kills to his name?"

Petra looked like she might start crying again, this time, he knew, for a different reason. "Thank you, Olou. I think I'll do that," she said, hugging him once more. He couldn't help but grin himself when he saw her start to smile. After all these years, he still felt that strange feeling of weightlessness, knowing he'd made her happy.


	7. Shadow of the Pines

It's gorgeous. He watches the waves break, one by one, as the others frolic by the seashore. Why are his thoughts drawn to Petra, after all this time? _We defeated the Titans,_ Levi thinks. _Their deaths weren't in vain._

He knows that, as the years pass, once everyone he knows and cares about is gone, the ocean will still be here. For some reason, that thought comforts him. "Hey Hange," he calls out. "It might all be poison, you shouldn't be touching that."

Evening comes, and he tries in vain to brush loose dirt and unruly twigs from the campsite. There's a cold splinter in his heart. _Why now? Why does it only hurt after we've won?_

It didn't hurt when he saw the body. Red smears across the tree like a child's finger painting. It didn't hurt the day after. And not the day after that. Hange had asked him, once, whether he believed in an afterlife. (She had a sort of scientific curiosity about the whole concept. Erwin would never entertain such pointless discussions, so she'd come to him, instead.) "I don't care," he'd said, lying. "If I had to guess, I'd say death is nothing. No thoughts, no feelings. No silliness."

"I figured you'd say that. Personally, I'm hazarding that we're reborn as Titans," Hange had said, light flickering off her glasses.

"Seems unlikely."

"Sure, but a girl can dream, can't she?"

* * *

"Petra, I want you to stay behind."

"What do you mean?" He could see rage blossoming in her cheeks, anger behind her eyes. She knew exactly what he meant.

"This expedition will be more dangerous than previous ones. I can't tell you more. We don't know what we're up against." He hesitated. "I won't be able to fulfill my duty properly, if I'm… worrying about you."

"With all due respect. Captain." Petra said. "That sounds more like your problem than mine."

He closed his eyes, feeling the heat from her words. "Fine." He said. "Come, then."

"Do you think it's easy for me?" she demanded. "You think I could just let you go out there, alone? Is it that I'm weak? Or are you just that selfish?"

"Forget it. Forget I said anything."

She pushed past him, still furious. He hadn't mean to imply that he didn't trust her to stay alive. He hadn't meant to imply their relationship was the weaker for it. "Petra," he'd called out after her.

She hadn't stopped. Maybe she just hadn't heard him.

* * *

It began snowing on the way back, the flakes downy, large and white. The sun still peeked over the horizon, and he said to Hange, "You take the brats ahead. I'm gonna take a detour."

"Are you sure?" she shouted back, over the stomping of the horses. "It's going to get cold soon. And there might still be Titans around."

"Yeah, I'm sure. We're almost there, anyway."

He peeled away from the rest of the group, heading out in the direction of the trees he'd spotted in the distance. After a few minutes, the forest loomed larger. As he came close, he pulled to a stop. _I recognize these woods._

For some time, he sat there, watching the snowflakes fall between the trees. He couldn't see farther than a few paces in, the woods grew too dark, and the sun had almost set. The wind brushed easily through his hair.

He dismounted. Hange and the rest of them had disappeared over a distant hill. He was alone. The shadow of the taller pines drew almost to where he stood, over the snowy grass.

There, within the treeline, four black silhouettes waited for him.

His horse gave a worried shake. "I know, I know," Levi said, soothingly.

 _We still have enemies to fight._ He turned and got back on. With a flick of the reigns, he set off after the rangers, towards the wall. _My mission is not over. Not yet._


	8. Small Moments

**(A/N: Sorry for the long hiatus! I've written a few quick drabbles, just to get back in the swing of things).**

* * *

"Hey, Levi." Petra whispered.

"Yeah."

"Are you still awake?" She shifted under the blanket.

Levi rolled his eyes. "Well. I am now."

"I can't sleep."

"Yep."

She punched him. "Hey. Don't be a dick."

"You know I'm humanity's strongest soldier, right? I need my rest."

"You're humanity's biggest dick, is what you are… wait. Dammit." She sighed. "I didn't mean that as a compliment." Levi tried not to snort, unsuccessfully. She punched him again. "Screw you."

"You would."

"I hate you so much."

Levi rested his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes.

"Yeah," he said. "I love you too."

* * *

"I think you and Erwin would make a cute couple."

The cup of tea in his hand came to a shuddering halt, inches away from his lips. He stared at her over the oak-wood table, one eyebrow raised. He stayed frozen for a few seconds. "What."

"You guys are so adorable when you're talking about military stuff. And you'd have the cuuuuuuuutest babies. They'd be blonde, but they'd have your freaky dead frog eyes." She sighed deeply.

Levi took a long sip from his teacup. Finally, he said, "True horror isn't the Titans. True horror is the mind of Petra."

* * *

He tilted the razor at a delicate angle and scraped it against his throat, moving around the Adam's apple with motions calculated and perpendicular. Shaving was an act of cleanliness—the curation of one's own body, the struggle against nature's impulses… wait a second. He lowered the razor onto the leather strop. "Petra!" he called out.

"Yeah?" her voice responded from the bedroom.

"Did you take my aftershave powder?"

Her head poked through the doorway. "I borrowed it."

"Can you go get it?"

"I didn't know you shaved. Does that mean you've hit puberty?"

"Go get me my damn powder."

* * *

"Psst. Levi."

"Oh my god. Again?" He rolled over to look at her. She was grinning. "If you wake me up one more time, you're sleeping in the dungeon."

"Ooh, yes, commander," she said. "Take me to your dungeon."

It really wasn't that funny, and he was super annoyed, so he tried to stifle the laugh. It escaped, though, like some kind of nose-fart.

"Nice," Petra whispered.

"Seriously, you need some water, or something?"

"No." She closed her eyes. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

Ten minutes later, she was snoring. Levi, completely awake, stared at the wall. Unbelievable.

* * *

"Hey. Petra." He cleared his throat and looked around. The sun was setting between two foothills. He was the only one here. Levi knelt in front of the white gravestone, the bouquet of lilies in his hand held tightly. "I, uh… miss you a lot." He'd never been good with words.

"Eren's doing well… I think that brat's finally proposing to Mikasa. Guess I might have to be involved with it, as her only living relative. You know."

Silence by the gravestone in the foothills of the sun.

"It's beautiful, here," he said. "It's the kind of place you'd love."


End file.
